To the people who live in my neighborhood

Where I live.

Dear people who live near me,

I know this isn't the best neighborhood. I knew that when I moved here. If we could afford some fancy apartment in Riverdale I don't even know that I would want to live there because the people would probably be really snooty and boring, and I like living somewhere that is interesting and different than other places. But I do have some complaints.

To the guy whose car alarm goes off whenever someone breathes within 30 feet of his car, I'm sure there is some way to fix that. I understand that this isn't the safest place on earth, but at this point, even if someone was breaking into your ugly 1980's sedan, you wouldn't know because it's the 9th time in 3 hours that the alarm has gone off. Do you really go out and look at your car every time the alarm goes off?

To the people who honk incessantly while waiting for whoever they're waiting for to come out of their apartments, twice is enough, and laying on the horn is like announcing, "Hey! I'm a complete asshole who doesn't know how to use a cell phone!" Everyone has a cell phone. My grandparents had a cell phone before I did. People with 25 kids on welfare have a cellphone, and I know those are the people you're honking at, so just call them.

To people who are unaware of personal space, slow walking, and/or meandering on the sidewalk:

Jerome Ave. has a lot of people walking on the sidewalks. Some are trying to get somewhere, some are trying to beat their children in public, some are explaining something to the police, some are shoving their 4th double cheeseburger in their stinky mouth. I am someone who is trying to get somewhere. No one seems to have any clue that there are other people on the sidewalk. I really wouldn't care about having to weave in and out and around people, if they wouldn't glare at me when I brush by them in a hurry. People in Manhattan walk fast. Please, people of the Bronx, learn something from them. It's really not that hard to be considerate of other people.

To people in the grocery store:
1. There is absolutely no extra room in an aisle for me to squeeze around you and your cart. I will wait patiently until you have chosen your item, but when you glare at me because I'm in your way, well, I want to slap you with your giant bottle of soda. Some people are really nice and will apologise for not even being in the way, but most look at me like they wish I was back in some European grocery store where they think I came from.
2. Learn how to raise children. Most kids I see in the store are pretty nice. They are very friendly and considerate. I bet they have great teachers. They just don't know better than to yell things in public, or act inappropriately, because that's what their parents do. And I don't think I've ever seen a kid do anything wrong in the grocery store, but I've seen a lot of parents react as though they had. And I've seen plenty of parents treat their kids like crap for not doing anything but ask for something they like or maybe get a little over-excited. They're kids. Hopefully they will grow up to be much better adults than their parents. Please stop ruining their childhood in front of me.
3. Hey teenage deli guy! It does not take a half an hour to cut a half pound of ham.
4. To the produce department, When you run out of something quickly, it means people like it. Please order more.
5. To the meat department, I don't even want to look at what you have done to what could have been decent food. It is cut wrong. It's all too thin. And expensive. I don't even want to look at what you have. And the goat meat! I can eat cows and chickens fairly easily, but goats? No. Goats are like pets. I know, it's a cultural thing, but I had to say something.

And last but absolutely not least, the "Candy and Beer Store". I love this store. I know the people who work there and they sell me things waaaay cheaper than what other people pay. I bet I could go in there right now and tell them I don't have any money and they would give me what I wanted because they would believe I would pay them tomorrow, which I would. You see, they do this for me because everyone else who goes in there is an asshole. They smoke in the store, they loiter, they try to steal the cat who lives there. They get in the way of people who are trying to pay for things. They speak at decibels that can be heard in space.
And like everyone else I have complained about thus far, they have no idea that other people exist.
So I guess that is the thing that bothers me most about where I live.

I'm going to walk to the candy and beer store now, where I assure you I will be accosted by unpleasant things, but I will know that while I may feel alone in a world of people who don't notice that I exist, at least 5 people will read this and understand.